Guys. Halloween is right around the corner. I’m over here scrolling through Amazon trying to find a character costume my child will actually wear without changing his mind eighty times (ha! I’m cute.). All the while, there are these mortifying, vintage homemade costumes that keep popping up when I think of going the DIY costume route over on Pinterest. I’m not about to have all this fun freaking myself out all alone. You’re welcome and I’m sorry for what creepy nightmares you’re about to have.

1. Creepy Corneas

It’s bad enough that I put off going into my eye doctor. You’re telling me I need to be reminded of this loathsome appointment with your giant, freaky eyeball head costume? No thank you, sir.

2. The Tail of the Terrifying Tower

Pardon. Um. I hate to be the one to tell you this but…your ding-a-ling is a weird tail. I’m officially creeped.

3. Mortifying Minecraft

I can only assume that these children are Minecraft hipsters. Either that or they are hipster Coneheads who are completely incorrect.

4. Poultergeist

This? This right here might make me give up bacon. (Just kidding. That would be ridiculous.)

5. The Spook of Spades

This seems like a classic case of not quite good enough. Maybe the queen of hearts came later.

6. Hitchcock Alien

If you know me, you know I’m emotionally allergic to birds. This bizarre bird-alien hybrid costume has me more creeped than you know. ::sleeps with all lights on for the rest of forever::

7. Freaky Fly

Nope. Nope with the giant bugs. Nope nope nope nope.

8. The Witch of the Wee-Your-Pants

Confession: I’d piss my pants immediately if this rang my door bell for some DOTS.