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The Truth Behind Trick-or-Treating

The Truth Behind Trick-or-Treating

The Truth Behind Trick-or-Treating via @shuggilippo

Trick-or-treating with kids is a sham. I mean it’s basically child labor for us parents to gain a lot of pre-holiday base weight by way of fun size Butterfingers and dental work extracting Dots. What’s worse about the tradition of disguising our children as pirates and princesses on the off-chance we knock on a child protective services agent’s front door is the delusion of succeeding in the transformation and thinking that we won’t be walking back home with a little Timmy or Sally at the end of the night instead.

For the over-achievers out there, we fashion our little ones in a one-of-a-kind get up complete with tireless hours of sewing, gluing, stuffing and weeping. When the big night finally arrives though, your kid is half-naked, cranky, and begging to be carried before you reach the end of your own street. Worse yet is the store-bought costume that you took out a second mortgage to afford, unraveling from the inevitable snag on Old Mr. Johnson’s festive ghost topiaries. It’s just too bad that Mr. Johnson is your next door neighbor. You remind yourself every year after it happens to do a reverse route to avoid it, but you never remember 364 days later. Never.

I recommend taking a few cues here from Lil Hallow’s Eve Henry. Knock yourself out with your mad Pinterest skills and really commit to making that involved dinosaur costume this year. Just remember to bring a spare dinosaur foot because somehow¬†that will disappear ten minutes into the trick-or-treating adventure. More importantly, don’t be afraid to improvise with shrubbery when a costume accessory goes missing. Sticks and branches make great magic fairy wand and triceratops tail replacements.

Have fun out there tonight moms, dads, astronauts and witches! Happy Halloween!

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