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The Sniff Test

The Sniff Test

Doing laundry sucks.

Doing laundry for a trip or before packing your entire house to move or after slacking off on Mt. Saint Dirty Panties for roughly two to four weeks sucks the most.

The worst part is when you get to That Point.

You know the point where you’ve separated so many whites from lights from darks and cottons from delicates that you’re done. You’re finished with sitting cross-legged on the floor of the laundry room for the fifth hour in a row like some pathetic, soiled-garment sorting robot.

Now it’s universally understood, in the land of laundry, that a few clothing items are exempt from once-worn-immediate-ownership-of-prime-laundry-basket-real-estate like say, sweatshirts. But there is an exception for all those other kinds of wear-and-wash clothes that can be exercised, at length, when you reach hour five and one minute of torture.

Fart Jeans

The Sniff Test.

The Sniff Test never fails. Sure it has a 50% chance of utter disappointment to your nostrils, but it may also significantly reduce the number of hours you spend neglecting your now nudist family. It’s quite simple really. Shove the armpit of that undershirt right up in that schnozzle of yours and take a big whiff.

Still smells like you’re Sure? Front of the line for next week’s laundry undertaking.

If you are thinking, “Ew! I would never shove a gym sock into my face and risk tasting my spouse’s beefy workout!”…good. You are disgusting for thinking that putting off the cleaning of gym socks is ever an acceptable course of action.

However, when you come across your favorite pair of jeans, that also fit into the sweatshirt exemption mentioned earlier, do your best to remember the number of times you farted during the last wear before mashing the butt of those suckers into your face.

Trust me.

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