We totally screwed ourselves on this one.

Why? The kid got three bones from the tooth fairy for losing his first pearly white.

With a ton of hullabaloo, the first tooth came throttling out of his mouth. Well, I don’t really know the details of how it happened because my worst fear of not being there the second it throttled out of his mouth was what was happening. Thank you, caffeine addiction, for allowing me to miss this milestone. So help me if you prevent me from being there for the birth of any consecutive children…

He lost it at home though so I guess I can make that my consolation prize for being absent. I was worried he’d lose it on his first day of kindergarten, making the thought of school and bleeding from the mouth one in the same.

There it was. A little tiny mouth bone from the front and center bottom row sitting in the palm of my hand. He had lost his first tooth and I didn’t even cry once. And as Daddy reached for his wallet, that has no coin section mind you, I became very interested in what was about to happen.

“Hey. So, um. What are you doing?”

“Just seeing how much cash I have on me to put under his pillow.”

“I’m sorry did you say cash? Are we leaving him a Benjamin, Mr. Banks?”

::sorting through dolla, dolla bills:: “Oh, well, I guess this’ll do. I only have three singles. Do you think that’ll be okay?”

“I’m pretty sure a note that he can’t read that says, ‘Keep on brushing! xo The Tooth Fairy’ would have made his year, but we can go with way too much money. Why not.”

“C’mon! He’s our little dude! This is a big moment for him!”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right. Okay, now I’m excited.”

I scribbled a note “from” the fairy with a tooth fetish and we slid it, along with three one dollar bills, under his pillow.

The next morning when he discovered the treasure, he ran into the living room terribly upset. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that the tooth fairy came but she didn’t leave him any cool coins only “these smelly paper things”.

I choked back my laughter and assured him that when hew lost his next tooth, we’d be sure to let the tooth fairy know that under his pillow is a “Cool Coins Only Zone”.

Thank god we dodged that bullet. His mouth was going to cost us a fortune if that bar we set had any kind of sticking power.