Head colds are pretty terrible.
But a head cold when you’re a bona fide adult is just the worst thing that can possibly ever happen to you and here’s why:
1. Realizing food fairies still don’t exist.
Seriously. That lightly buttered toast you can’t taste isn’t going to make itself.
2. Weeping on the floor is pathetic.
It brought pity when you were 5, but does nothing when you’re 35.
3. Having to remember when you last took medicine.
Classic case of “I can’t even.”
4. Sounding like Darth Vader having sex with Chewbacca in a rock tumbler.
And everyone and their brother’s uncle’s mother calls you the week you’re afflicted. Amirite?!
5. There’s so much more body area that never stops aching.
Where did all of these muscles come from? WHERE?!
6. Laundry weeps for no one.
But you still fever-sweat through every piece of comfy clothing you own.
7. Having no appetite…
No really, I’m good. Pretty sure my tastebuds are dead anyway.
8. …then having all of the appetite
I still can’t taste a damn thing but DEAR GOD I’M WASTING AWAY GIMME A BEEFSTEAK, PRONTO!
9. Twitter can’t bring you soup
It’ll be a glorious day when we can 3D print cup noodles with our brains.
10. It’s so so so so expensive.
Because when you’re back at it, you for sure wanna deal with Kleenex debt.
11. Your mom isn’t there to take care of you.
Being a sick kid was so much easier than this crap.