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Pretty Sure I Had Mouth Cancer Probably

Off and on over the past month or so, I’ve had these two little white patches on my left tonsil. They didn’t really bother me all that much, just left me with the sensation that I had a fuzzy something in my throat. No big deal right? Well, being the insurance-less, self-diagnosing hypochondriac I am, I hopped onto WebMD to discover my ailment. (Last time I checked in with Dr. WebMD, it was when I wasn’t sure if my water had broken when I was pregnant with Spawn Nugget.)

In true hypochondriac nature, my first thought went straight to oral cancer, Luekoplakia to be exact. One visit to the dentist (7 years since the last) and an oral cancer exam later, no Luekoplakia.

Phew!

Crisis averted.

I’m a chronic Strep throat-getter. No lie. I sometimes get it 2-3 times per year. The next thing I found was that I may have chronic tonsillitis. This is the self-diagnoses I was convinced I was sticking with folks. It looks a lot like the disturbing pictures I found. Seriously Google it, they’re gross. Reading a little more into the symptoms of tonsillitis and I noticed the only similarity in my case was the white patches on the tonsils. Hmmm…

At the very bottom of the tonsillitis page was a link to tonsilloliths. Or, as I like to refer to them as, pain-in-my-ass-vile-smelling-disgustoid-liths. In layman’s terms, they are tonsil stones. Calcified bacteria and mucous in the crevices of my tonsils. Barf! Go on, barf profusely. I won’t judge you. These things are a cause of halitosis, aka EXTREMELY bad breath and taste. Last night, I started to see the signs of these putrid tonsilloliths. There are two in my mouth right now and, according the WebMD, I can try to pop them out or let my body run its course and they’ll “extract themselves in time”.

I’m calling in the toothpicks and Qtips. Wish me luck in self-surgery today.

**Update: The tonsilloliths have been removed. It was a quick and painless process yet all the while uber stinky. Thanks for the flowers and get well cards, they won’t go unnoticed.

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