Art museums are the perfect place to take a well-mannered five year old if you are looking to rob them of their childhood.
You’ll come to learn quickly that art museums are not the biggest fans of children.
There are a lot of policies that they have enacted to combat your attempt to expand your child’s cultural awareness and the gallery volunteers are very straight forward in letting you know which ones you’ve violated:
1. “Excuse me ma’am, but it appears your child is more than 14cm outside of your womb. That is very much against museum policy.”
2. “I’m so sorry, but running outside of the museum is against policy. It’s obvious that your small child will sue us if they fall down as children are wont to do.”
3. “Although it’s nine billion degrees out today, being able to access your water bottle is not acceptable. Per museum policy, drinking is only permitted in designated hydration areas.”
4. “Moving your person at a pace faster than -5 MPH is clearly running. Please slow down. It’s museum policy.”
5. “We loathe children. Museum policy.”
Art museums are serious business. Obviously no place for nurturing the blossoming minds of children.