AKA…What the fuck?!

There are these two, stray cats that have set up shop in our backyard. You may have seen me griping about it yesterday on Twitter.

I sent an email to the MCACC expressing our allergy and the soon-to-be-feral state of the female cat.

What I’m getting from this response, is that when I drive through Filiberto’s for my AZ burrito and the sign on the window reads “Real Angus Beef”…Angus was probably the cat’s name.

We certainly understand your problem. (This is never a good segue.) Unfortunately, MCACC cannot come out and pick up the cats. You see, there are no laws regulating stray cats in Maricopa County. So we have no authority to do anything about it. There are a couple of options for you. You can of course, try to catch the cats and bring them in to one of our two locations. Since you are allergic, do you have someone that could help you do this? (Right. About the sacrificing family and/or friends to stray cats who are constantly fighting or humping in my backyard to bring them into a facility? Pass!)

There is a fee for cats to be turned in to help us care for them. (You’re shitting me right?!) While we are able to help fund the cost of caring for stray dogs with licensing fees, there is no such thing in place for cats. As such, we have a fee (up to $96) for stray cat turn in. We will hold them for three days and then evaluate them for adoption. If they pass, they will hopefully get a new home.

If you have had the cat for more than 6 days, it is considered yours and the charge for an owner surrender is $51.Our two locations are: 2500 S. 27th Avenue in Phoenix and 2630 W. 8th Street in Mesa. (What about in an instance where the cat has had me. Then what? Do you provide loans for the cats that they are required to repay before they are released for adoption? Why again are these two cats mine if I physically cannot do anything to get rid of them? Also, exquisite use of the spacebar.)

If the cats are feral, things are a little more difficult. (Of course they are. In reality, things have been pretty smooth and breezy thus far so I’m sure that whatever your next sentence is will be nothing.) We also have to charge a $96 fee. (Yep. You HAVE to.) Feral cats cannot be adopted out, so we have to hold and feed them for three days and then most likely euthanize them as they wouldn’t pass an evaluation for adoption. MCACC is a supporter of Trap, neuter and return of feral cats. I have attached a brochure for you. The Spay Neuter Hotline or Altered Tails are great resources to answer all your questions. Good luck.

The Humane Society of America has suggestions on how to keep them off your property. (Thanks. Not.)

So, in a nutshell, I’ll be sending the MCACC my water bill from all of the hosing of stray cats. That seems fair right? Since THEY’RE NOT MY CATS! read: allergic

Or is someone up to date on their rabies shots? Down to take a bite for the team so they will come to pick up the cats?

I foresee plenty of animal activist/cat lover outrage over this post. I’m prepared for that. We didn’t choose to be allergic. We also will never, ever, EVER, hurt an animal.

It’s just that now I know we’re not the only ones who don’t give a shit about cats.

Anyone ever had to handle this type of situation? Suggestions?