It goes without saying that there’s one actual reason to wear yoga pants and that’s because you’re about to engage in or have recently engaged in the practice of yoga. Over the years, I’ve come to discover that there are at least five reasons to ironically wear yoga pants and these are them:
1. You’re doing all of your laundry.
It’s interesting to think that someone would assume you own anything other than simply length and fit variations of yoga pants. The idea that you would have denim, fashionable leggings (which are a close second to yoga pants, if we’re being honest.) or even sweatpants in your wardrobe that require laundering is laughable. Be honest and say you’re washing your sports bras and graphic tees because we all know underwire ain’t your best friend, but puns on t-shirts are totally your jam.
2. You’re feeling ambitious.
Whether or not any physical activity beyond lifting the next salted caramel, shortbread cookie or aspartame-riddled diet soda to your face is in the cards for you that day, it’s a great comfort to know that if the opportunity for energy exertion presented itself you’d be ready, attire-wise. One never knows when they’ll feel the sudden urge to downward face that dog or someone or squirrel will begin chasing them for their purse and it turns out that involves far less giggling and cuteness when it finally happens than you’d always dreamed it would. The squirrel one, of course. No one dreams of being mugged.
3. You work out of the comfort of your home.
It’s really great to squeeze every last drop out of the meaning of the phrase “comfort of your own home” when you work for yourself. Sure you may have the occasional run in with other human beings like delivery persons or that chatty barista who knows your schedule better than you do, but that’s no reason for you to have to force your bod into a potentially uncomfortable and more than likely unflattering excuse for an outfit. We all know you’re probably not the most fashionable crayon in the village. You do hang your coveted yoga pants on wire hangers after all.
4. You want to say ‘Namaste’ without explanation.
You’d like to easily convince other people sporting yoga pants in passing that you are of the same belief of peace and tranquility that they practice. Although, the woman standing next to you in the frozen food section at the grocery store, preparing to make her own most difficult decision of the day (you know, whether or not to go fruity or chocolatey on the Ben & Jerry’s pint), is probably full of shit too when she responds to your ‘Namaste’ with the mental pros/cons list she’s been making about going with french vanilla and hitting the candy aisle to “build her own pint” today.
5. You’re setting up a joke about not doing yoga.
There’s nothing quite like the gut-busting outburst of laughter that follows when someone points to your yoga pants and asks what “gym you’re a member of around here” and then you respond with a snort chuckle and reassure that sweet friend that your yoga pants are all an illusion. That sweet, sweet optimistic friend. Definitely keep her around for bad days, breakups and/or pregnancy scares. She’ll enable the shit out of marathon ice cream and Freaks & Geeks binges.