If you haven’t binged the entire first season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix yet, what are you even doing with your life? The show’s writing will leave you in stitches.
Here are 23 hilariously unbreakable quotes from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt:
1. “I’m pretty but tough like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown.”
source / Netflix
2. “Hashbrown, no filter.”
source / Netflix
3. “I’ll be here with my kissing hole.”
source / Netflix
4. “Troll the respawn, Jeremy.”
source / Netflix
5. “Going back to school like a little red head, Rodney Dangerfield.”
source / Netflix
6. “Can’t the world be my noodles and butter.”
source / Netflix
7. “So far all I’ve learned is that the Olsen twins are actually four people.”
source / Netflix
8. “Is that a dolphin with a bow on it?!”
source / Netflix
9. “Hello, sugar balls…”
source / Netflix
10. “Well what would the Care Bears say about how you show it?”
source / Netflix
11. “I’m pretty good friends with the pregnant raccoon who lives in there.”
source / Netflix
12. “The new tapes are here! Tape day!”
source / Netflix
13. “Turn your resistance all the way up to ‘Ghandi’.”
source / Netflix
14. “That was like listening to a mirror.”
source / Netflix
15. “Look at yourself, girlfrienemy.”
source / Netflix
16. “I’m gonna make waffles outta him.”
source / Netflix
17. “Stop the presses. My paninis can wait.”
source / Netflix
18. “Aretha! The dictionary!”
source / Netflix
19. “Last one to the bunker is a mother of whores!”
source / Netflix
20. “I trusted you, TV. You’ve seen me naked.”
source / Netflix
21. “Last time I did that I found a finger under it.”
source / Netflix
22. “A wolf helped me beat up a bunch of teenagers.”
source / Netflix
23. “I took that shoe and made lemonade out of it.”
source / Netflix
And just because. Here’s Jon Hamm dry humping an ottoman.
The Kimmy Schmidt of YouTube
Every Wednesday I “answer” questions about stuff like I’ve been trapped in a bunker for 15 years.
Being Sick Sucks.
Binging on Kimmy Schmidt and Robitussin only help so much with these 11 terrible things about adult colds.