If you haven’t binged the entire first season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix yet, what are you even doing with your life? The show’s writing will leave you in stitches.
Here are 23 hilariously unbreakable quotes from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt:
1. “I’m pretty but tough like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown.”
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2. “Hashbrown, no filter.”
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3. “I’ll be here with my kissing hole.”
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4. “Troll the respawn, Jeremy.”
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5. “Going back to school like a little red head, Rodney Dangerfield.”
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6. “Can’t the world be my noodles and butter.”
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7. “So far all I’ve learned is that the Olsen twins are actually four people.”
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8. “Is that a dolphin with a bow on it?!”
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9. “Hello, sugar balls…”
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10. “Well what would the Care Bears say about how you show it?”
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11. “I’m pretty good friends with the pregnant raccoon who lives in there.”
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12. “The new tapes are here! Tape day!”
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13. “Turn your resistance all the way up to ‘Ghandi’.”
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14. “That was like listening to a mirror.”
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15. “Look at yourself, girlfrienemy.”
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16. “I’m gonna make waffles outta him.”
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17. “Stop the presses. My paninis can wait.”
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18. “Aretha! The dictionary!”
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19. “Last one to the bunker is a mother of whores!”
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20. “I trusted you, TV. You’ve seen me naked.”
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21. “Last time I did that I found a finger under it.”
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22. “A wolf helped me beat up a bunch of teenagers.”
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23. “I took that shoe and made lemonade out of it.”
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And just because. Here’s Jon Hamm dry humping an ottoman.
The Kimmy Schmidt of YouTube
Every Wednesday I “answer” questions about stuff like I’ve been trapped in a bunker for 15 years.
Being Sick Sucks.
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