Living with a boy child is equal parts adorable and adventurous.
1. They’re utterly sweet…
They melt your heart with every ounce of their sugary sweetness. Mostly because they have better eyelashes than you’ll ever have without absolutely needing to wrestle with tweezers and fishy smelling glue. ::bat bat bat::
2. …but also eat their boogers
And whoever it was that taught them the “protein” defense has an earful coming. ::side eyes Uncle Tommy::
3. “The Big Little Discovery”
There is a thing. That dangles. That everyone must know about upon its discovery. Everyone.
4. Girls have cooties.
From the park to the grocery store to the classroom, all girls are so gross and have life-altering cooties. Except for mom. Mom’s cool.
5. Flex so hard.
They may be small, but boy oh boy does that little guy think they’re mighty. Don’t be surprised when he attempts to help you carry in the groceries and drops the gallon of milk within .001 seconds of lifting it an inch off of the ground. See also: preparations for constant shirtlessness.
6. Toot, toot, toot. All day long.
Trust me when I tell you that you want to hear them. You really do. The harder they laugh at nothing, the harder you better pinch those nostrils shut.
7. Really anything that has to do with butts.
The inevitable moment in time when every knock-knock joke’s punchline is “butts” is the moment you know your stuck with poop and butt jokes for the rest of your life.
8. Videos games are everything.
They’ve droned on and on for what seems like days about what you originally thought was a show or movie they’d seen, but you soon come to discover they’re talking about a video game. Or someone they watched on YouTube who was playing a video game. It’s about video games.
9. The fascination with dirt.
If it’s going to leave them chalky or dusty or dirty, they’ll hop right in it. Bonus level mode when they discover ooey, gooey mud.
10. The general ripeness of aroma.
Socks? Putrid. Armpits? ::gag::
11. Super heroes AF
It takes time for them to realize and admit that Mom & Dad are the true super heroes. In the meantime, they’ll obsess over the ones who have laser beam eyes, can fly and have super dope caves of technology.
12. Stunt Man Syndrome
Every surface is a launchpad and the sooner you stock up on throw pillows, the better. Who said “pointless home decor” couldn’t have a purpose? They must not have sons.
13. Tiny, painful toys…everywhere
You know they’re always there. You assume that you must tread lightly. But you’re never ready. You’ll never be ready.
14. Wild imagination
The reckless abandon that they think of adventures, big and small, for the family to enjoy is jaw-dropping.
A lot like the OG family of crazy imagination and even crazier adventure, The Croods. They’ve embarked on a whole new collection of stories with the release of Dawn of the Croods on Netflix. There’s even an episode all about the stink of Thunk. So tried and true boy stuff, dating back to the prehist-HORRIFIC.
So you know. All the tomfoolery you’ve just experienced is my own. I’m a member of the Netflix #StreamTeam and will be publishing stuff like this (and also entirely different from this) every month throughout 2016. Deal with it. You’ll wanna. It’s a pretty sweet gig. I’m getting perks straight from the horse’s mouth to Netflix and Chill.