Kids can do the darndest things that some adults think they can still do. But they can’t. Or rather they really, really shouldn’t.
Here are 13 things only kids can get away with:
1. Picking your Nose
It’s embarrassing enough when a dry, flaky guy unexpectedly flies out of your nostril. Digging up there is reserved for children under the age of four. And no matter how long we try holding onto the notion that eating our boogers is a form of protein, it ain’t. Plus, ew.
2. Refusing Food
Speaking of “picky eaters” let’s talk about how much spit would be in your food if you sent your order back at a restaurant seven times because “it’s shaped weird” or “this one has a green thing on the plate”. Every reason is ridiculous, but only the adorably, pocket-sized humans get away with nugget preference.
3. Hiding in Clothing Racks
There’s no avoiding that moment when you bump into your ex in a department store. As much as giggling in a rack of pleated slacks was the best way ever to hide from your parents when it was time to checkout, it’s no way to evade your past relationships.
Adults complain like the dickens. That incessant whining that’s less verbalization of opposition and more a monotone, obnoxious noise flying out of your mouth hole, won’t hold up in a court of law, spousal disagreement, or counter-attack to whining children.
5. Running around Erratically
The days of bouncing off the walls for no apparent reason are over. Sometimes one is left to wonder whether or not people under the age of 10 are part chicken-sans-head. Okay, okay. We do this as adults too, but no one admits it. Because we’re actually get stuff done.
6. Farting in Public
It is charming as all get out when a toddler rips an audible one in the checkout line at the grocery store. It’s also really perfect at the splash pad when a kid toots to break up a heated, grown-up conversation. The geese flying south for the winter is no way to temper a crazy political debate though. It just smells worse.
7. Sucking your Thumb
Sucking one’s thumb can be a form of comfort in a scary situation. Across the desk from your CPA when you’re going through your annual itemizations is a rather awkward time to jam that internet-approval digit into your pie hole.
8. Giggling at the Word “Butt”
9. Looking Gross
Looking like a harried mess, and better yet, smelling like a garbage pail with sweat glands ain’t no way to treat your person as grown up. Kids are explorers. They adventure and run and tumble and hate a light combing of hair because “you’re pulling out all of my head worms”.
10. Wearing PJs as Clothes
Comfort is king. Always. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that your spunky, nacho-printed sleep set you scored at the holiday gift exchange is an outfit. And don’t you event think about making a defense for “slippers as shoes” because no.
11. Carrying around Toys
The last thing anyone expects when they walk into the conference room for a Q4, budget meeting is to see your impressive Troll doll collection, perfectly lined up along the edge of the head of the table. You simply can’t get away with toting your beloved action figure around in your purse like you used to.
12. Making up your Own Language
Pig-latin was cute when you were caught in a moment where your crush was coming your way when your friend had their back turned to the incoming hottie attack. Creating an entirely new language from beeps and moops with your BFF to avoid your younger siblings hear you talk about “big kid stuff” was highly effective, but adults use real words to express themselves. And then get fired for accidentally hitting “Reply All”.
13. Wetting the Bed
Bedwetting isn’t always something we want to be doing. Okay, rather no one is proud that they’re having nightly accidents. The only time a grown up is bedwetting it’s probably all about a matter of late nights with too much fun. Even then, it’s embarrassing.
Enuresis, or involuntary urination, is a common occurrence among young kids. More commonly with boys, sure, but it happens to the little ladies as well. Personally, I had more of an issue kicking that thumb-sucking thing than ever needing help with bedwetting. My son, on the other hand, had his share of nighttime accidents here and there up until he was 4 years old. Back when we were tackling it head on, it was a matter of late-night laundry loads and soothing the embarrassment with round two of bedtime stories and lots of snuggles. I know the scenario is the same now for a lot of my friends with younger kiddos. And to them I say, Pampers UnderJams, yo! I also tell them about managing drinking liquids close to bedtime and the classic “think dry thoughts” encouragement because it’s a package deal, y’know?
Share your stories using #ConquerBedWetting
This post was sponsored by Pampers UnderJams. I received monetary compensation for my participation in the #ConquerBedWetting campaign but the thumb-sucking, pjs-in-public-wearing, and whining are all my own.