1. Telling kids you just shoveled vegetables in your pie hole when it was really junk food

2. Catching kids like whoa

3. Acting fascinated by something else when they ask the hard questions

4. Telling the kids the bank is “all out of money” so they can’t get that unnecessary toy

5. Mastering the secret stash of chocolate they’ll never find

6. Going on a spontaneous, late-night car ride as a ruse to get little ones to sleep

7. Having the perfect excuse why you can’t fit on the jungle gym at the playground

8. Tossing Cheerios into the toilet as an “aim game” when really it’s so they stop peeing on everything else

9. Sneaking veggies into foods so the kids will eat them

10. Stealing a few minutes to watch your favorite Netflix in the bathroom

Where do you sneak away to get your Netflix fix? Closet? Car in the garage? Bathroom? The moon?

So you know. All the tomfoolery you’ve just experienced is my own. I’m a member of the Netflix #StreamTeam and will be publishing stuff like this (and also entirely different from this) every month throughout 2016. Deal with it. You’ll wanna. It’s a pretty sweet gig. I’m getting perks straight from the horse’s mouth to Netflix and Chill.